this might be a love letter?

i think about you. more than i think about Montana.
i think about your fingers touching my face like a painter thinks about his paint brushes stroking an empty canvas.

and boy, i want you to paint me a picture.

         and i think i might have loved you once.
                    and idk if i still love you.
                              but i sure do love to remember you.

                  and we never took a picture together,
but do you know how many times i've pictured us together?


                                  i remember your broad shoulders. and i remember how you kept your hair short.

and the last time you saw me, mine was 8" shorter than usual.
but i hope you remember me with my long hair. 
it looked much better with that pink dress that i hate.

i hope you remember me the way i was when you

held me.

that girl wasn't sad all of the time.

she didn't stare at nothing for long periods of time.

she didn't use her middle finger for anything besides a place for her CTR ring.

she didn't stay out hours past curfew.

she didn't get grounded.

she didn't hate life.

                           i hope you remember me how i was gold.

                              i hope that golden girl isn't dead.

    i hope when you hold me again, i can remind you of how i was.

but mostly i hope you hold me again.
and maybe we can go to Montana together, sometime.

nothing gold can stay,

susan e.